Mindset

The majority of conflict is caused by misunderstanding, Conflict resolution is all about communication. Over half of all communication is nonverbal or body language so knowing how to utilise all of your communication skills will assist you when dealing with conflict.

 

A common mistake many people make in conflict resolution is that they think they have to beat the other person. They believe they have to win and the other person has to lose. Your objective should be to come to a solution that benefits, even if only in part, both of you.

 

Your facial expressions indicate to the other person what you’re thinking. Show them you are calm and relaxed, in control of your emotions. Relax all the muscles around your eyes and forehead. Gently close your mouth and keep your jaw loose by not clenching your teeth.

 

Use open hand gestures, showing the other person you are open to interaction with them. Keep your arms uncrossed and chest exposed. This lets them know you are not closed off in any way. Keep enough eye contact to show interest, but not too much, otherwise you will come across as aggressive and controlling. A good rule is to match the amount of eye contact they are giving you.

 

Show genuine interest in what they are saying, nodding your head to indicate you understand, even if you don’t agree. Showing interest and understanding will calm the other person and make them more receptive to your suggestions and point of view.

 

And use your body position to let them know you have a vested interest in achieving a mutually beneficial outcome. Lean in slightly towards them and make sure your shoulders and feet are both facing the other person. This shows both interest and respect on your part.

 

 

If you would like to learn more, CLICK HERE, to schedule a conversation with Craig.

You may or may not have “sales” in your job title, but in any situation where you are pitching a product, describing a service, motivating your team, or explaining your idea, you are selling. To know how your audience is reacting, here are the nonverbal signs you need to monitor in potential “buyers.”

 

Engagement and disengagement are the most important signals to monitor in your buyer’s body language. Engagement behaviors indicate interest, receptivity, or agreement while disengagement behaviors signal boredom, anger, or defensiveness.

 

Focus on a person’s gaze. In general, people tend to look longer and with more frequency at people or objects they like. A person may be trying to look uninterested, but their eyes will keep returning to the object that attracts him.

 

The same is true with eye contact. Most people are constantly breaking eye contact. But when they like or agree with someone they automatically increase the amount of time they look into their eyes.

 

It is known that eye pupil size is a major clue in determining a person’s emotional responses. The pupils are a part of the body people have practically no control over. Therefore, pupil dilation can be a very effective way to gauge someone’s interest. A person’s pupils will dilate when they have positive feelings about the person they’re talking to or object they’re looking at. And when someone is less than receptive, his or her pupils will automatically constrict.

 

Gestures are also telling. In general, the more open the position of a person’s arms, the more receptive they are. Watch for expansive, welcoming gestures that seem to flow naturally from a person’s behavior. When someone reaches toward you or uses a lot of open-hand gestures, it is usually a positive signal of interest and receptivity. By contrast, people who are defensive or angry may protectively fold their arms across their chest, clench their hands into a fist or tightly grip their arm or wrist.

 

A person’s use of space also plays an important role in a potential buyers’ reactions. The more people like and agree with you, the more they will lean toward you and the more closely they will stand near you. On the other hand, when you say or do things your customers disagree with or are uncertain about, the more they will tend to lean back and create more space between the two of you.

 

Because a person’s feet are the furthest from the brain, they are the most honest part of the body. People will focus on controlling their facial expressions and hand movements, however they rarely think about their feet. The direction their feet are pointing indicates their interest level. If their feet are facing you they are focused on what you are saying and are happy to be there. But if one of their feet are pointing away from you, unconsciously they are trying to leave the situation.

 

All salespeople understand the value of good communication skills – but the most successful realize that there are two conversations going on, and they stay equally alert to what isn’t being said.

 

If you would like to learn more, CLICK HERE, to schedule a conversation with Craig.

They say that “the eyes are the windows to your soul”. And no truer words have been spoken. Of all body language, how a person uses their eyes reveals their thoughts and emotions most accurately.

 

If someone holds eye contact with you, it could mean that they find you attractive or interesting, or they are feeling anger or hostility towards you. It’s their pupils that tell you what they are feeling towards you. If the pupils are dilated (big) they are attracted to you or at least they find you, or what is being said, interesting and if the pupils are constricted (small) they are feeling anger or hostility towards you, or they disagree or find offence to what is being said.

 

Studies have shown that you should hold your gaze or eye contact with the other person for about 60% – 70% of the time to build rapport and make the other person feel comfortable. More realistically, you should try to match the other person’s eye contact to be seen as an equal and make them feel comfortable.

 

Letting your eyes wander from the other person’s eyes down their face and below their chin to other parts of the body shows that you are attracted to them. Obviously, you are checking them out.

 

When socially interacting, focus your gaze on the triangular area between the other person’s eyes and mouth. If you concentrate on looking them in the eyes, it risks becoming a staring competition and the other person may feel uncomfortable.

 

Dominant people use eye contact confidently. Their eye movements are slow, smooth and purposeful. They spend more time looking at the other person when they are talking and less time when they are listening. If you want to appear more dominant, hold your gaze just a little bit longer than normal.

 

If you would like to learn more, CLICK HERE, to schedule a conversation with Craig.

Exaggerated gestures

These can imply that you’re stretching the truth. Aim for small, controlled gestures to indicate leadership and confidence, and open gestures like spreading your arms apart or showing the palms of your hands—to communicate that you have nothing to hide.

 

Crossed arms

By doing so, you create a physical barrier that suggests you’re not open to what the other person is saying. Even if you’re smiling or engaged in a pleasant conversation, the other person may get a nagging sense that you’re shutting him or her out. Even if folding your arms feels comfortable, resist the urge to do so if you want people to see you as open-minded and interested in what they have to say.

 

Inconsistency

Inconsistency between your words and your facial expression causes people to sense that something isn’t right and they begin to suspect that you’re trying to deceive them, even if they don’t know exactly why or how.

 

Turning yourself away from others

By not facing the speaker, or leaning into your conversation, the person may think you are not interested, uncomfortable, and perhaps even distrustful of the person speaking. Try leaning in towards the person who is speaking and tilt your head slightly as you listen to them speak. This shows the person speaking that they have your complete focus and attention.

 

Slouching

Bad posture is a sign of disrespect. It communicates that you’re bored and have no desire to be where you are. The brain is hardwired to equate power with the amount of space people take up. Standing up straight with your shoulders back is a power position. It maximizes the amount of space you fill. Slouching, on the other hand, is the result of collapsing your form—it takes up less space and projects less power.

 

Too little or too much eye contact

Lack of eye contact makes it look like you have something to hide, and that arouses suspicion. Not making good eye contact can also indicate a lack of confidence and interest, which you never want to communicate in a business setting. Too much eye contact may be perceived as aggressive, or an attempt to dominate. You should try to match the amount of eye contact the other person makes.

 

Watching the clock

Looking at the time while talking to someone is a clear sign of disrespect, impatience, and inflated ego. It sends the message that you have better things to do than talk to the person you’re with, and that you’re anxious to leave them.

 

Fidgeting

Fidgeting is the body’s way of dispersing built up nervous energy. It indicates that you are uncomfortable in the situation you are in and you don’t want to be there. Don’t fix your clothes, play with a pen or drum your fingers. People will pick up that you’re nervous.

 

Inappropriate strength in handshakes

Weak handshakes can signal that you lack authority and confidence, while a handshake that is too strong could be perceived as an aggressive attempt at domination, which is just as bad. Adapt your handshake to each person and situation, but make sure it’s always firm.

If you would like to learn more, CLICK HERE, to schedule a conversation with Craig.

Reading people successfully, or understanding other people’s body language, is a skill that requires constant practice and proper training. To help you with here are 8 tips to help you maximise your effectiveness in interpreting body language. As you incorporate these things, or guidelines, into your everyday life, they will soon become automatic actions, needing little, if any, conscious thought.

Guideline 1: Be a competent observer of your environment

This is the most basic requirement for anyone wishing to read, understand and use body language. Imagine how hard it would be if a person tried to listen to someone speaking while they wore ear plugs. They wouldn’t hear most of the message and what they did hear would be distorted. Well when it comes to seeing the silent language of nonverbal communication, most people might as well be wearing blindfolds.

Guideline 2: Observing in context is the key to understanding body language

When trying to read or understand someone’s body language, the more you understand the context in which it is taking place, the better you will be at understanding what it actually means. So be aware of what is going on in the surrounding environment as well as what the person is doing.

Guideline 3: Be aware of behavioural patterns in people

Be on the lookout for behavioural patterns in people you interact with. Notice the nonverbal cues that happen when they are in certain situations. The better you know a person, or the longer you interact with them, the easier it will be to pick up on these patterns. Knowing these patterns will give you a database to make your judgements from.

Guideline 4: Establish people’s baseline behaviours

When trying to read a person’s body language, it’s important to know what their baseline or normal behaviour is, that is how they typically sit, their usual amount of eye contact, where they place their hands, their posture and common facial expressions, and even where they place their possessions. The reason why it is important to pick up on these baseline behavioural patterns is so you can spot the variances when they occur. If people act differently than they normally do, then things aren’t normal.

Guideline 5: Always look out for multiple tells

The accuracy with which you can read someone’s body language will be increased when you can observe multiple tells, or clusters of nonverbal behaviours. These signals work together like a jigsaw puzzle. The more pieces you have, the better your chances are of seeing the full picture.

Guideline 6: Be observant of changes in people’s behaviour

Sudden changes in a person’s behaviour can reveal how they are thinking or feeling. Changes in a person’s behaviour can also reveal his or her intentions in certain situations. By picking up on these changes, you can predict things before they happen.

Guideline 7: Learn how to tell the difference between comfort and discomfort

When learning to read body language, there are two main things to look for or focus on: comfort and discomfort. Being able to read comfort and discomfort behaviours in others will help you determine what their minds and bodies are really saying. If in doubt as to what a cue, gesture or behaviour means, ask yourself if it looks like a comfort behaviour (happiness, relaxation, contentment) or a discomfort behaviour (anger, displeasure, disgust, stress, anxiety).

Guideline 8: When observing others, be subtle

Understanding body language requires you to observe people carefully and decipher their nonverbal behaviours accurately. However, the one thing you don’t want to do when observing others is make it obvious. Many people tend to stare at others when they first start to try and read body language. Your ideal goal is to observe others without them knowing it.

If you would like to learn more, CLICK HERE, to schedule a conversation with Craig.